[131115] Stop and Take a Breath



“If I don’t give up on one thing, I can keep going and it will never end.”

I love-yet-hate that quote. It taught me to be more passionate toward something I working on. It taught me to still survive and try. I’d done that, I’ve tried (I really do) but then it’s just like that. Somehow the thing is not going to work no matter how much you put effort onto it.

Perhaps it’s the timing? Perhaps I’m still not good enough? Perhaps… I don’t know, everything seemed too dark for me to understand.

Living with idealism has never been easy. You take one certain wise quote and keep holding onto that so you can remember you only need to live in your quote and everything becomes alright. I believe -believed- that, back then. But no, I forget some important things; that I need to learn how to let go, to understand that life isn’t there to be my wishes-come-true field, to know that I really need to look back and realize my own incompetent self.

The one and really important thing is: I should know when to stop. Read the rest of this entry

The Pair of Eyes



The Pair of Eyes

Ia merasa tak istimewa. Tak ada hal yang menonjol darinya. Tak ada sesuatu yang membuatnya mencolok. Mungkin ia justru adalah orang yang paling biasa di muka bumi ini.

Cara bicara, raut wajah, gaya berjalan… semua yang dimilikinya tampak biasa saja.

Bila pun ada yang berbeda, tak banyak orang yang bisa melihatnya.

Sorot matanya adalah satu-satunya hal yang membedakannya dengan yang lain. Sepasang matanya seolah hidup, mengeluarkan pantulan sejernih kilau air di permukaan danau yang bening. Tak ada kabut di kedua manik matanya, seperti sepasang mata milik anak kecil.

Anak kecil… Read the rest of this entry

[131015] Unavoidable Day


I… seriously don’t know what should I write here. Few days before, many things happened; mostly bad things, some good things. However, in the end those all just went by.

And when today comes, it’ll pass just like another ordinary day. Except, it’s not an ordinary day for some people. Honestly, I don’t know how to greet this day; in fact, I don’t even want this day to come. I have so many unanswered questions today. How could I answer them, from where I should start, and how to be not affected by them… I honestly don’t know.

original (3)

My feelings… um… it’s blurry, gray, undefined well.

I should send you with a smile as reminding myself that you’ll be alright by your own.

I should watch your back til very last moment so I can remember how you looked like.

I should… make sure you will serve well, healthy and happy.

Those thinking-train honestly has haunted so much. I’d love to try them since they are probably the last things I could do for you. One thing I really want is keeping your well-being and happiness more than anything. Who cares what I would feel, it’s you who really matter.

So, serve well, Active-soldier Lee Hyukjae!! See you again! I’ll live well, so it’d be nice if you will too.



Sometime when thing goes wrong, you just should know you’re a human with no control for everything. It will be hard when you meet a failure -or perhaps when you thought you are the failure itself. Nope, you’re not a failure. You’re a human. Human who can fail anyone-your parent, friends, even yourself or be failed by anyone, anything.

It’s really okay for not being okay.

So keep your chin up! Everything’s gonna be fine… eventually.

No Regret


Sunday —  June 7, 2015

I’ve done something great! Something I couldn’t even imagine. Yet I was so proud at myself.

Monday — June 8, 2015

First text had come! A simple ‘thank you’ that made my day. Another texts, another words had come too. I’ve been so thankful yet glad I liked a person like you.

Sunday — June 13, 2015

Your important day yet I couldn’t bring myself to greet you, congratulate you. But you kept your promise. You worn that watch. Thank you, really.

Sunday — June 21, 2015

You had said goodbye before but perhaps it was really the separation day, it was the day you have to leave. Still, I couldn’t say anything. I can’t even hope you’d know I always wish you the best. What would you know when I didn’t even say it, right?

Honestly, the day I chose a watch for you was the day I would remember as my goodbye. So I don’t have to see you again after I told you my feelings. I didn’t even wish for any-thank-you from you. It was just… I wanted to let my feelings free as you know how my feelings were. I did it all for myself. So I didn’t have any regret left later.

But today… I thought I was cool about everything that would happen, but no. My feelings are so… strange. I’ve never known you are such a person to me. Unbelievable.

Thank you for letting me like you. I’m sorry for being so selfish and did everything for my sake only but not thought about the burden you might have. I sincerely wish you all the best, so good luck!

I have no regret for liking you, for doing everything I had done. I’d made a choice with no regret.