[140513] What If…

what-if***

If I died… how many people would cry for me?

How many people would be sad for me?

What if no one would come to my funeral?

What if no one would even know who am I?

What if… many people would be glad when I died?

Sometime I’m just curious. I just wanna see how many people would be sad, pray for me and remember me as a nice person.

Basically, I can imagine it. There wouldn’t be so many people. Perhaps just mom, dad, brothers and my family. Some friends, too, maybe. But I think there would be only just a while. Then they will forget me.

Its kinda scary, to be honest.

I know I’ll go all alone, but when I know there would be no one cry behind me, I couldn’t help but feel lonely.

I’m not a really nice person, so I couldn’t bring myself to think there would be a lot of people cry over in my funeral.

It’s normal, isn’t it?

When we’re not even nice, how could we expect many people would come for us?

Sometime, just very sometime, I wonder if I can die and wake up after I could see who cried, who didn’t, who felt happy or even relieve.

And very very sometime, I thought God would take His beloved one earlier than the other. So… well, yea. Perhaps I’m not beloved enough.

5 thoughts on “[140513] What If…

  1. I thought the same when I was in high school. “I wanna die” is an easy words to say. but now I’ve realized, I never want to say that.
    berasa aku bodoh banget kalo sampe punya pikiran gtu, marah sama diri sendiri aja karena pernah berfikir spt itu.
    Udah pernah lihat, byk yg pengen hidup, byk yg bersyukur mereka hidup mskipun keadaannya menyedihkan.

    ada mmg yg bilang, mereka yg meninggal lbh dulu disayang Tuhan.
    Well, ada benernya tapi bukan berarti kita bisa yakin sama hal itu. ga ada yg bisa nentukan mereka yg meninggal lbh dulu berarti disayang dan aman di surga.
    ambil positifnya, husnudzan sama pencipta, dikasih kesempatan utk hidup berarti mksudnya kita diksh waktu lebih buat introspeksi diri……….

    be tough, be brave uri yeppeunttal~ :3
    be positive, sekalipun kita suka merasa jahat, asalkan our family still love us.
    it’s okay.
    cemungudh naaak…. \o/

  2. kak shela whats wrong with you? why all of a sudden?😥 i almost cried here….i just think it’s a natural thing to forget someone who isnt here anymore but not forget her/him totally. we’ve to move on right? and i’m sure there’re still sooo many people who love you without your knowledge, for example me? i love you because you’re like already close to me even we never meet we never talk except in here. but yah there’s this feeling fyi🙂

  3. Terkadang aku juga berpikir seperti itu. Merasa selalu sendiri disaat sakit dan tanpa seorangpun yg peduli. Pengen bilang langsung dimatiin aja..

    Tapi sat ini aku sedang berpikiran normal. Aku tidak tau harus berkata apa. Memang perasaan itu yang akan mnyiram garam pada luka tiap kali kita ga bisa menguasai emosi.
    Aku tidak ingin bilang “aku mengerti” perasaan eonni, krn mungkin hanya akan membuat org lain berpikir bhwa aq hanya ingin mencari perhatian. Dan menyama2kan masalah agar bisa dikatakan org baik.

    Tapi kalo boleh, aku ingin bilang.
    “Eonni tidak sekecil itu untuk dihargai. Eonni lebih baik daripada yg eonni pikirkan. Eonni lebih punya banyak peluang utk disayangi,eon. Jangan melihat hanya mereka yg dekat dengan eonni. ADA. Ada org lain..yg mungkin tidak eonni sadari– akan bersdih melihat hal buruk menimpa eonni. Eonni hanya masih belum menyadari keberadaannya.
    Eonni tidak seburuk itu,eon. Eonni lebih baik daripda yg dipirkan pikiran eonni. Jangan berkecil hati eonni. ADA org2 yg peduli pada eonni meskipun nyatanya eonni tdk kenal.🙂
    Dan siapapun org itu,dia akan sedih melihat eonni kya gini.
    Iya Eonni tdk kenal aq, dan aq bkan ingin menjadi sok menggurui eonni disini..hanya saja aq ingin membuat eonni mengerti maksud pikiranq..tapi juga tidak ingin mencoba mengrahkan eonni..karena pikiran kita hak pribadi..jadi maaf sebelumnya jika kata2q menyinggung eonni. Mksudnya ga mau nyinggung tapi aq tidak bisa memastikan seperti apa org menerima pesanq Iya Eonni tdk kenal aq, Iya Eonni tdk kenal aq, dan aq bkan ingin menjadi sok menggurui eonni disini..hanya saja aq ingin membuat eonni mengerti maksud pikiranq..tapi juga tidak ingin mencoba mengrahkan eonni..karena pikiran kita hak pribadi..jadi maaf sebelumnya jika kata2q menyinggung eonni. Mksudnya ga mau nyinggung tapi aq tidak bisa memastikan seperti apa org menerima pesanq Iya Eonni tdk kenal aq, dan a

  4. Kalau di pikir, mungkin sepertinya aku juga ngerasa hal yang sama.
    Mungkin nggak cuma aku, bahkan banyak orang di luar sana yang berangapan sama.
    “seandainya”….

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