[090712] Forgivable

—-

Dunno~ I’ve felt so bad again. Nothing less but more than the last time. Gimana ya rasanya…. kaya ditampar aja, tapi jauh lebih kuat daripada yang sebelumnya.

Mm… I don’t think this is can be forgiven. Well, siapa yang mau maafin seseorang yang uda berbuat hal buruk dua kali? I can’t even forgive myself either. Rasanya uda jadi beban yang berat dan bikin sesek napas banget.

Tapi toh aku dapet pengampunan itu. That she said it’s alright. She knew I was trying hard, learning and praying too. It’s alright for her, but why isn’t it alright for me? Rasanya kaya… jadi orang paling gak bisa diandelin sedunia *oh, I know I’ve been that useless one, but it’s more, so yea… I feel so bad*

“Allah ngasih gitu buat calon orang kuat dan sukses.” and how I wish that sentence was true.

“Ambil positifnya. Jangan khawatir, tabah, ikhlas, sabar :))” Cukup buat bikin aku tenang, dikit.

“Selalu belajar bersyukur. Kamu akan bisa, kamu bisa, kamu pasti bisa :)” Well, maybe it’s true.

Jadi ya… mungkin ini pahit *siapa juga yang mau ngerasain suremnya perasaan itu dua kali?* tapi ya gak ada salahnya ini dijadiin bahan renungan.

Sebenernya pasti beban beratnya itu aku rasain buat dua orang itu. Bahwa aku belom cukup baik, belom cukup berusaha, belom cukup berdoa, mungkin. Yang aku khawatirin ya Beliau berdua. But they understand.

Gak papa, katanya. Yang penting suda berusaha, berdoa. Selebihnya serahkan pada Allah SWT.

Sometime I think… I wonder if all of my fault are forgivable? I don’t think all of those can be forgiven, at least by myself. But I always get that forgive word. They don’t mind. They think I can do better next time. They know I was trying my best.

Seandainya aja mereka tau seberapa pentingnya pengampunan mereka buat aku.

4 thoughts on “[090712] Forgivable

  1. nobody’s perfect, so that the word ‘forgive’ and ‘forgiven’ r exist.
    success is not what you get in an instant, sometimes u need to fall first, struggle more and more.
    people may forgive us, but we never forgive ur self for a failure so that we promised to be better and better🙂

    everything that has already happened taught you to be stronger than before.
    we just have to be patient, hm ?
    and trust me, whenever you fail they will always forgive you. Because they know their ddal~ already gave her best ! (:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s