One.. two.. three.. four.. five.
For the first time in her whole life, five second was felt forever. Then she would wish she lost her hearing sense when Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a while before he said. “Let’s end this..”
“Kyu?” she asked then gave him a stare. “What’s end? I.. I don’t even get it. We will through this together, wont we?”
With flat gaze, he kept his eyes to road. Kyuhyun never looked at her, he avoid every single eye-contact with his Qian. The pain that he felt wasn’t unseen but it could be felt. “We will end all of this. I am the one who do not expect we can reach this step –loving each other secretly, I also don’t know how this story will end. But now I can say this is the end.”
Victoria knew her heart was crying. She felt empty in her mind. She was broken, right now..
“Your members must be waiting for you,” said Kyuhyun coolly. His eyes pointed at building in his right side.
“You.. you wont let me go, will you?” her question filled by scar. Victoria could hear hopeless tone in her own voice. She hoped –really hoped, Kyuhyun could hear it as well. “You wont say goodbye to me, right?”
Kyuhyun swallowed his pain inside. He tried his best to keep his flat face for his best Qian before he nodded. “It’s a goodbye..”
“Am I that easy?” suddenly she asked. Her tears already rolled down in her face.
By secretly stared at her, Kyuhyun felt his heart was torn. He’d never ever wanted to see that tears anymore. Somehow he wanted to wipe her tears but something held his hand off. “I don’t know how to keep this secret, you know? I also don’t want us to end like this, I even never imagine that. I just.. I’m tired, Qian. You know surely how this pain kill me inside. You already knew.”
“That’s why I asked, am I that easy? You put me in your life-line, the first line. You make me love you when I don’t want to. You finally make yourself real even in my dream. You!” she paused. Kyuhyun could hear she was sobbing and tried her best to keep breathe. “If you will break my heart like this, why.. why you let me to love you, Cho Kyuhyun?”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes. He could feel a hundred metals fell in his shoulder. This was hard –for her, for him as well.
Victoria really wanted to stop her tears, but she just ended at pitiful sobs. Some pain in her heart didn’t wanna go. That damn pain kept still without any move. The worst that she’d ever felt. She wasn’t the one who started this love story. She wasn’t the one who put this love in her dream.
Victoria was the only one who trapped in this.
She was the one who trapped in Cho Kyuhyun..
Kyuhyun was sitting beside her. He was doing nothing but staring at her face without any expression left. For a year he’d known her, and that was pretty short time to know this girl was special. She –Victoria Song, could make some smile in his face. That was enough to love her.
With the eyes on him, Victoria wondered why she was here; in Kyuhyun’s car with no word from him. She wanted to ask and made him say something or she would go from his car. In the end, Victoria could do nothing. She just sat calmly, waited for his word. She couldn’t refuse him, anyway. Always so.
“Thank you,” finally he said something. Victoria raised her eyebrow, looked confused. “For the Chinese lesson. That will help me, obviously.”
Victoria held her laugh in the air. “That wasn’t the topic tonight, was it?”
“You can read my mind now?” he asked.
“Am I looked that great? I’m just curious what bring you here, pick me up and hold me in this car. And I know it must be not only for a ‘thanks’,” Victoria smiled widely.
Kyuhyun smirked then grabbed a book from his car dashboard. He took a pen and started to write something difficult –because he raised his eyebrow up. “I remember some interesting word from the book that you gave. You promised me to teach this one.”
He gave the book that he held to Victoria. A line of pinyin written there.
“You already know to write that, do you know how to spell it?” she asked with smile in her face. The way he remembered something about her was impressed her.
Kyuhyun shook his head then mumbled. “How do I know if you never want me to know?”
“Zhong li xun ta qian bai du, mo ran hui shou, na ren que zai denghuo lan shan chu,” Victoria said clearly but Kyuhyun couldn’t hide his confused face. She smirked, “It’s hard, isn’t it?”
“No. I can say that as well as you did,” he tried to lie. “What’s that mean?”
Victoria stared at his face brightly. She smiled softly like an angel to him. “It means, after searching among lots of people for thousand times, you turn around and see him/her standing right under the light.”
“And.. generally, it means?” he really wanted some simple word in his ears.
“Two person that has been searching for each other have finally met and are meant to be together.” Victoria said. She gave him meaningful gaze. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Kyuhyun couldn’t help but put small smile to her. “Like a fate.. when you’re trying your best for looking someone you need, she is nowhere, indeed she stands next to you without any complaining.”
“You’re smart,” she admired his new meaning to her phrase.
“I am,” Kyuhyun admitted. He took a breath before he stared at her face. “Are we.. can be like that? Spinning around in the life circle but finally meet and meant to be together like that?”
“I love you,” he said. He knew that girl was staring at him but he ignored it. Kyuhyun didn’t have any time left. He had to say it now or not at all for his rest life time. “I love Song Qian from Qingdao. I love the girl that always put her best smile even when she felt she couldn’t survive. I love the girl who can make me stop the game just for texted her back.”
Victoria blanked her eyes, and suddenly she felt she was near to cry.
“Err.. I don’t love the girl who cry in front of me, actually,” Kyuhyun smirked then touched her cheeks with his own finger. “But for you, it is an exception.”
“You really thought you can make me say yes, didn’t you?” she asked.
Kyuhyun turn his gaze from her, pretended to think. “Well, I didn’t think about it. I expected you will say yes.” He gave high intonation in ‘expected’ word. “I’m a person with super-high-confidence level, you know?”
Victoria let her mind flied at back then. She remembered every single thing that he’d said. The memories weren’t that far from her now. Victoria could remember all of that, clearly.
“You always be the one with high-confidence level, right?” she said in low-tone. She really lost her strength now.
Kyuhyun pressed his lips together. Finally he couldn’t say something to her. He couldn’t, even to comfort her this time. Kyuhyun –somehow, knew Victoria had recalled that beautiful memories. But he couldn’t be weak now. He’d been thinking about this for all the time they sat in the car. Short time, but made his heart sunk to this point.
“So if you already decided this, you know everything that will happen like what you’d expected, right?” she said again. Victoria felt that pain didn’t move, still there –in her heart, and torn it into a pieces. “And what exactly you’d expected?”
“We.. wont go well,” he spoke after he felt suppressed from all direction.
Victoria couldn’t breathe normally but had disappointed sigh. “Everything in your life according to your expectation, isn’t it? Do you ever know I never expect anything from my feeling to you? I just try to love you as much as I can, Cho Kyuhyun.”
“I did the same, Qian!” his voice tone got higher. Then he turn down his head, tried to act well. “But all of this –pressures and pain, I’m tired. We wont be the same anymore.”
“Right. Of course we wont,” she said. “Because one of us don’t wanna be the same anymore. So that was we called apart, Kyu.”
Kyuhyun sighed deeply. He didn’t want her think about him in that way. That was absolutely wrong. He hated apart, he couldn’t even spell it properly. His chest was empty now, there were nothing inside but some pain could be felt clearly.
Victoria pulled her weak smile after she wiped her tears away. “You want to let me go now?”
That man –Kyuhyun, couldn’t move or speak. He didn’t know what exactly he wanted for now.
“Say it, Kyu. Then I will go..,” Victoria failed to hold her tears once again. Her shoulder was shaking and her eyes became red. “You know I always do what you said. I did all what you’d said, Cho Kyuhyun.”
Kyuhyun fulfilled his lungs with oxygen but seemed like all of those wont ever enough. His lungs were perfectly empty now. He took a deep breath once again. “Go.. your members must be waiting for you.”
“Finally you said it,” she blanked then swallowed pain in her throat.
Victoria step her feet out from his car and didn’t look back at him. She touched her left chest. She felt something hit that part for more than once and had made it bleeding. But in the end she couldn’t find the scar.
They –Kyuhyun and Victoria didn’t move. Victoria was still busy to find her bleeding heart while Kyuhyun closed his eyes and tried to tell himself not to stare at Victoria.
No, you can’t let me go.
Even though it’s hard, stay longer..
If I can see you a bit more,
I’d smile for the rest of our love..
Each of them recalled that song. Each of them felt their heart broke into small pieces. Each of them could feel the empty spot that they had left. But each of them was too afraid to recall their name.
Okay, I know I already broke kyutoria’s heart. I dunno either why I make the story-line become like this. I just.. feel some broken feeling so I want to apply (?) it to kyutoria. *you can kill me now~*
And thanks to Angie unnie who let me know what the meaning of the phrase that Kyu loved to say. ❤ He recalled that phrase for almost everytime he had chance when he’s in China or Taiwan. One thing that I know: HE LOVES THAT PHRASE~~~ (or he loves the Chinese friend who taught him that phrase? LOL) :*
As usual, I need comments here..
Thanks. Have a nice day~~~ ^^